Ever Google yourself ...

And then wish you were what you found?

Google John Doran. There's a long list of entries, and you'd have to scroll to nearly the 93rd page to actually find me. But before you get there, you'll find some interesting fellas with the initials J.D.

There's the John Doran who, in 1891, played in 15 games for the Major League Baseball Colonials. The 5-foot-11, 175-pound lefty hit just .189 in 53 at bats, and posted a 5-10 pitching record (12 complete games) with a 5.46 ERA. Being a switch-hitting Divsion I second baseman, I'd have given anything for 15 starts on the bump. Instead, I settled for one relief appearance in the featherweight air of New Mexico, giving up one single, one triple and one dinger without getting anyone out for a 27 ERA. Ouch.

There's the John Doran who's a retired professional hockey player who played in 98 games in the NHL for the Detroit Red Wings, NY Americans and Montreal Canadiens.

There's the John P. Doran, graphic designer and Web geek, who sucks up on his fancy-dancy Web site about dating the girl of his dreams.

But the all-time best is the John M. Doran (just like me) who's a music writer in the United Kingdom. While I've seen the Foo Fighters play live more than 10 times, including one of their first-ever gigs at La Luna in Portland in 1995 where they only played for about an hour because that's all the songs they knew, this guy had an incredible one-on-one interview with f-ing Dave Grohl and lived to tell about it.

Grohl is one of the most influential rockers of our time, and easily the most definable drummer of all time. The only thing Grohl does more than pound the drums is drop the f-bombs, which he does fervently in John M. Doran's (the other guy) magazine feature story.

For anyone who's not seen Grohl's antics on stage, it's a blend of powerful musical achievement and hilarious on-stage entertainment. As he mentions in the feature, the Foo Fighters could play for two hours and have the crowd sing along for every song.

'Course, they couldn't sing along with some of the last lines of some of the harder songs, which Grohl flat out screams at the top of his powerful lungs. "This is a call for all my/past reservations/WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

John M. Doran's story, published in Hammer, reflects on Grohl's intimate relationship with Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, and how it's taken Grohl some 15 years to come to terms with a song he wrote about Cobain before ever joining the ungodly huge band.

It isn't often I wish for something other than what I've got. Honestly, the only regret I have in life is procrastinating too long and not getting Nirvana tickets when they came to my hometown Salem, Ore. (Salem? WTF?) because I overthought myself thinking I was too cool to like Nirvana because they had become so cool. Huh? Legitimate question.

But in reading this story, I'd have given what comes after the period in M to trade this John M. Doran for that.